Monday, April 20, 2015

I'm Not a Work in Progress

This week was all sunshine and spring buds and when I walked to the subway from work on Friday, I realized: I have been treating myself like a never-ending self-improvement project. How exhausting to be one long list of things accomplished or yet to accomplish. How exhausted I've been trying to accomplish being this perfect whole, feeling as if just this one more thing would finish me off in becoming who I was meant to become.

Let me be real here. There is a lot to improve. I am a person, and I think all people have a lot they can improve on. Some of my recent improvement items have included: joining Toastmasters to get better at public speaking; joining Weight Watchers to get back into eating healthily and exercising more; making an effort to dress more professionally; joining a running group at work; making all my doctor and dentist appointments on time; and applying to another graduate program.

And I'm still planning to do these things, but I'm letting myself off the hook for when I need to do them by and with how much gusto I approach them. I like being goal oriented, but I don't need to be perfect. I have felt a lot of pressure with all of these things, when honestly, I'm good enough just as I am, and on Friday, somehow, I started refusing to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

My inbox might never hit zero and I might insult people by never responding to their messages and that's fine. I may never hit my goal weight and at this point, it's looking less and less likely that I will ever find a suit that looks good on me. So what? I'm no longer going to feel bad about anything that doesn't get done. I still have my to do list, but I'm going to stop letting it make me crazy. Today, I am enough, just as I am.

I hope, if you're feeling pressure, internal or external, you'll join me, because I know you are also enough. We all are.

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